Let them.
Hey all! Over here at Fearless hART we are doing all the things to keep this entrepreneurial train moving forward on the tracks. And also, we are humans. We are husband and wife, we are parents, we are a son and a daughter, we are friends and we are active members of our community. We are humans with feeling and dreams and aspirations, just like you… and, also like you… we have big wishes for a peaceful existence on this planet for the time we get to be here.
Recently, our resolve has been tested in a few of the areas I mentioned above. The actual details are irrelevant here, and are best shared during a heart to heart conversation over a nice glass of wine… But every time we were tested this week we were reminded that when faced with pain and discomfort the mind has a way of creating narratives and stories about “why this happened” and “what this means”. These narratives then lead us to attach blame and assign fault to others for bringing these situations into our reality.
What we forgot, however, was that the moment we handed over blame, we also handed over our power. We forgot that blame is focused outward… We were giving our power away by waiting for someone else to change, waiting for that apology, or hoping someone else will step up and make it right. Inner peace is very hard to achieve when you are sitting in blame… and for us inner peace is always the goal.
As we seek inner peace during conflicting times and opinions we were quickly reminded that we cannot control how others act. Needing to figure out how to control others or change their minds or their behaviour has no place in our strong desire to live a peaceful and joy filled life. Humans are fallible… they will make mistakes, they will be unfair and they will disappoint. This is all part of the human experience.
What we needed to remember was that the way the situation was interpreted was completely within our control. Realizing that our suffering, because of the actions and decisions of others was not at all created by something external… it was created by our attachment to things that were never within our control.
It is important to note here… that this realization had nothing to do with excusing the behaviour of others… The pain caused by the behaviour is very real. It needs to be felt and honoured… but the suffering arising from the narratives our minds created is SO very optional. Letting go of blame is not about denying the pain, it is about refusing to subject ourselves to suffering. When we take responsibility for our thoughts, reactions and emotions, and see the things that happen to us as lessons instead of burdens… we step out of victimhood and into growth.
The world will not always be kind… It is important to remember that the choice is always there… Remain bound by blame or step through that into peace. We needed to set down our need to “show them” or “be right” and make our decision about our “next right move” from a place was not reactionary… and not marred with negative thoughts and animosity.
Oi… sometimes…. this human experience is just not for the faint of heart.
Because it is SO easy to forget… we wish to share the reminder that the ONLY thing we have any control over is ourself… Choosing to live within that truth is where the real peace is found.
So… just Let Them. Let them do what ever they need to do… and Let them say whatever they need to say… and may you choose, Every. Single. Day. To step through that… into your power and my you always know exactly how to find your inner peace.
ps: If you forget this, and find yourself handing over your power and falling back into Blame… Be gentle with yourself and know that we ALL repeat this one... Just rest assured, you get infinite chances to get this right.
You are so very loved.
Our best always
Coreena and Jeremy Kornel